Bring back the Date Night!

For months now, I’ve been complaining to my husband about the disappearance of our date nights. Our last one (PechaKucha Night and dinner at Miku) was in January! I guess life intervened – work got busier, kids play-dates and activities ran us ragged and unshowered, it seems even the weather conspires against us. It’s all we can do to wrestle the kids into bed at 9PM and then we spend 2-3 hours on laptops in different rooms, catching up on email and bills. We even schedule things with each other via our wireless internet instead of walking the 20 feet to each other’s “office” and having a conversation. We collapse into bed at different times, him at 11PM, me closer to midnight. Add baseball 4 nights a week and this never ending rainy weather, I’m surprised that we remember that we love each other at all.

I know I am loved. But after nearly 20 years into a relationship, is it even possible to still lust for one’s partner?

We’ve heard over and over again that date nights are the answer. But we find this advice somewhat awkward as we were friends first. Actually, we were secret lovers first (our MBA school discouraged class romances saying they’re too distracting). Then we moved on to being haters (MBA school was right), then surprisingly to colleagues at CIBC, then friends, until one day he let me crash as his apartment when I moved to Toronto and I never left. I don’t remember him ever wooing me and now I’m in my mid-life crisis, I feel it’s absence. Strangers at Buffalo Bills or at your local construction site will make plain their desire for anything that has a vagina, but I’m finding it’s really important to me to feel desired by the man I’m married to.

As my life coach always says, once you make your needs known, the next move is up to him.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Yesterday I got a call from a man I did my MBA with. He was from my Marketing class to be exact. We exchanged pleasantries for awhile and came upon a pause in the conversation. Then he asked me out to dinner! That night! Even though I already had dinner already prepared, I said yes and we started giggling helplessly, like teenagers.

We laughed because it actually was my husband on the phone, but his gesture was sincere. He later admitted that his feet started sweating when he was dialling my cell phone number. Even though he knows he has me, he still wooed me. It was delicious and I highly recommend it.

Failing that, John Gray has come out with a new product called Balanced Planets’ Marriage Saving Shake. Dr. Oz, apparently, is a fan.

I’ll drink to that!
Love Lucie

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Buckets, Deadlines and Other Stuff

I am a first born, the first of five daughters in a family that was looking for sons. My birthright is a lifetime of firsts – the first in my family to go to school, the first to have to explain Halloween and marijuana (among many, many other things) to my immigrant parents, the first to kiss, the first to marry, the first to conceive, the first to have a cesarean to deliver the first grandchild, and I imagine, the first of my siblings to die.

At 42, I have 39.58 years left to live, according to the life expectancy tables actuaries use when calculating how much to charge you for life insurance. So if my life was a week, this would be Wednesday! Forgive me if I sound panicked, it’s because I am. I’m cursing myself for checking the actuarial tables, because I had thought, albeit ignorantly, that at 42, I had another 42 years to go, since I seem to be having a mid-life crisis of late. But by checking these tables, I’ve lost nearly 2.5 years of time to do very important stuff! I’m not ready to go yet! I’m too young to die!

OK deep breath. Let’s not be the first in my family to have a nervous breakdown!

If my life were a year, this would be July. One of my favorite months, second only to August! So, I think I’ll take that to mean that many, many, many good times lie ahead and I can while away the days sun-tanning if I want to or I can write out my bucket list and tackle them one by one.

My Bucket List:
– Write a fabulous book that I’m proud of
– ??
– ??

Hmm, I’ll add to the list as more things strike me, but it’s amazing the clarity a deadline gives you 🙂

Love Lucie

Is Spring Break for kids only?

So I have an impossibly beautiful girlfriend – gorgeous hair, great conversationalist, and H-O-T, hot. Except for the fact that I feel like Bea Arthur when we go out for dinner together and men are swarming around her like wasps to barbequed steak in the summer, I really enjoy her company. She has just gone through a divorce and is building a beautiful life for herself and that’s a powerful energy to be around.

So I’m still not sure which side of fortunately this lands on, but a few weeks ago she asked me join her on a girls trip to Mexico for Spring Break. She said she’s rented a fabulous house on the ocean and all I needed to do was book my own flight.

Without the kids.

Or the hubby.

Sounds fabulous and yet I know that I can’t/shouldn’t go. It being Spring Break and all, I probably should hang with my kids for some family time. Plus travelling with Megan Fox’s hotter sister does nothing to make my husband feel comfortable about letting his wife-in-a-midlife-crisis travel unchaperoned to the land that invented tequila. But I tell you as we’re holed up in rainy Whistler and my other friends are posting their sun-tanned smiles from Hawaii on Facebook, I can’t help but feel a bit chained to my minivan.

Maybe a Mother’s Day girls trip to Vegas? Who’s in? Rose? Blanche? You out there somewhere?

Love Lucie (aka Dorothy)