Sorry seems to be the hardest word

I lied. I actually have an amazing memory. I can remember which old movies we’ve seen, what the name of that great wine we had was, and can usually remember names of people I meet, the faces for sure! And when I’m grumpy, my memory kicks in to high gear and the wrongs that befell me seem to linger for awhile, and even grow. If I’ve been wronged, or if I believe I have, the quest for an apology is all encompassing and even exhausting.

Maybe it’s my asian heritage, but I say sorry very easily. If someone drives their shopping cart into my ankle, flips me the bird in traffic or snatches the last paper at the newsstand out of my very hands, I’m usually the one who says sorry. But I find most people aren’t as quick to say sorry to me. And it drags me down. I replay the incident over and over in my head, looking at possible ways I could have misinterpreted the situation, wondering if I need to deliver another sorry in order to be served my much needed apology.

I crave it, the uncertainty, the forgiveness and the rush of good feelings afterwards – all is not good until both sides have shaken hands and said sorry. They teach you that in kindergarten, don’t they? Two wrongs don’t make a right and it takes two to tango (read:fight)? I’ve just finished reading Eating Crow by Jay Rayner, and while it went a bit off the rails towards the end, I understood the emotional rush the author was talking about. When all is forgiven, your head feel 10 pounds lighter. Right now, I feel like a whale.

Love Lucie

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Sorry seems to be the hardest word

  1. I find myself apologizing to strangers when I shouldn’t be, often. Why is it so much more difficult to apologize to those we care for dearly?

    I hope you get your resolve.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s